Divorce and separation of your parents is very traumatic. Sadly, as many as 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. For you, it raises many concerns and perhaps worries about your own sense of security, that, rather than your parent’s future happiness, is important to you. You may question:
Some of you may be extremely sad and depressed, perhaps have trouble sleeping. Your anxiety levels rise as you may feel rejected or abandoned by one or both parents. People all react in different ways to divorce and separation, with some situations making you feel lonely, especially if you are experiencing long absences of one of the parents.
No matter what the situation, you will be affected in some way by a divorce. Some people are not affected emotionally while others may become psychologically scarred from the experience. Much of this depends on how well your parents are able to handle the situation.
Some of the bad effects of divorce cannot be controlled. Money, or lack of it, becomes a problem. Child support payments and financial assistance place a strain on one or both parents, which directly affects you.
Sometimes, one parent needs to move, perhaps out of the immediate area. This brings a new set of problems, as you may have to adjust to new schools and make new friends.
The family breakup means the family has to restructure. It is rare that divorce is an amicable arrangement and often your parents’ emotions will be running high. When your parents are feeling this way, it may be hard for them to see beyond their own hurt, anguish or anger. They may want to try and protect you from the stress of the situation, resulting in you feeling excluded and actually adding to your stress. Whatever has occurred to cause the breakup, both parents are important to you and should continue to play an important role in your life. Divorce does not have to mean the end of a family.
Holidays and birthdays after a divorce can be one of the most difficult things to deal with, especially in the first year when you’ll have the first birthday, the first Christmas, the first anything spent without one of your parents. As each year passes it becomes easier, with you and your family much more comfortable and finding new ways to celebrate.
Remember, your parents have divorced each other, they haven’t divorced you, they are still your parents!
Step-families can be very complicated. The number of children that are involved, and how the children get along with the new step-parent, are very important factors to consider when dealing with the structure of a step-family.
In spite of the fact that step-families are very complex and difficult, it is possible for you and the new family to become a very strong family unit. You and everyone else needs time to adjust to the new way the family operates. Each step-family member must also look at things from the other step-family member's point of view. Remember that a new step-family member cannot just jump into a new family and take charge. The new family must take things very slowly, and each family member must carefully think things out before they act.